He pissed me off… The Man (my man) took me from zero to a hundred in a matter of minutes, and I didn’t know what to do. It was the beginning of my day. I had a little while before my therapy session, but I did NOT want to use my precious hour on this fight. There were other things I wanted to work on. BUT I can’t BS my mood when I arrive in my therapists’ office. I just can’t, so if I come in feeling a way… I have to at least address it. And I did NOT want to address it in therapy.
After a couple minutes of reeling, I remembered The Man and I were supposed to go to my friend’s birthday party that night. I texted her to give her a heads up, “Happy birthday love. The Man and I are going through a thing. Not in the mood to go out tonight. So sorry.” I know how selfish that sounds, but I knew I couldn’t be one hundred percent present. I would rather take her out on my own another night than fake it. Her response, “Sorry hun. Do you want to talk about it? If not, I understand.”
I have been friends with The Bestie for over a decade, and I can count on one hand how many times one of us has reached out for help. Our normal mode of operation is to drown in whatever issue we’re dealing with on our own until the bestie sniffs it out. But your girl is evolving… This time I said something within the hour. I didn’t drown in my issue first. I told her while I was still mad. I picked up the phone and called. “I feel like a jerk. It’s your birthday, and I’m not supposed to be mad.” I was laughing and crying at the same time.
She quickly moved past my introduction. She laughed at me and asked me what was going on. I described the argument I had with The Man, and she quietly listened. When I finished ranting, she told me that she and her man went through the same thing for years but in reverse. Turns out she understood The Man’s point of view because they had the same personality type! She laughed and said, “Cyrah, you do realize he’s the male version of me right?” Of course. The Man made a decision that frustrated me to my core, but The Bestie would have done the same thing. Instead of siding with me, she helped me understand what he was thinking. She also offered some advice based on how she and her man got through their similar situation. My whole vibe changed from pissed to understanding. She was right! He was just doing what he thought was best.
I didn’t have to process the issue with my therapist because my friend was there for me. I gave her a pat on the back for just being a dope person, and I gave myself a pat on the back for surrounding myself with people who really care about me. She didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear in the moment. She told me the truth. In this moment I am giving myself another pat on the back for speaking up when I was feeling hurt. I didn’t pretend to have it all together. I spoke up in a safe environment, and I got through it.
The Man and I talked things out and had a blast at The Bestie’s party. I am slowly but surely learning that I have a support system. For years I prided myself in being there for my people, but I didn’t let them in when I was struggling. That’s stupid. That’s ego. That’s weak. True strength is vulnerability. So…I’m going to share my life with my loving community, the good and the bad.
Who are the folks in your life who know you at your worst and still love you? Write down at least 3. Call them this week just to thank them for being amazing!
About me . . .
I'm Cyrah Hill. I'm a woman of faith, an actor and an everyday black girl.