Saturday morning at six a.m., my husband woke me with the birthday song. While he sang, I cracked open one eye to notice the full breakfast tray in his hand and a lit candle sticking up out of a short stack of pancakes. He got up early on a Saturday morning to make those pancakes, and I smiled wildly at the gesture.
He looked in my eyes and then sheepishly asked, “Do you want to go back to bed?” I nodded and laughed. He only got up that early because he knows how rare it is for me to sleep past six. This week was different for us. All week I came home late from rehearsals, and I was perfectly fine with sleeping in a bit. My man kissed my forehead and took the food back to the kitchen.
I woke back up to sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen. Hubby and my three-year-old were up and eating. I checked the time and immediately started working my electronic chores like the budget. My husband popped his head into the room, noticed what I was doing and scolded me with his eyes. I wanted to knock out the sucky responsibilities, so I didn’t have to focus on it the rest of the weekend, but my timing sucked. I could feel it. I tapped away at the computer for ten minutes, got very little done and put it away.
When I walked out of my room, I realized part of my living room was covered with gifts. I sat down, and my son, almost magically, put a tiara on my head. I was officially in heaven.
In this moment, I took a picture in my mind. I felt blessed. My favorite gift I received that day was a sign my husband made for me. It said, “Pursue purpose, everything else is bs.” He heard me say that once, he captured it and created a sign with those words. It’s on my dresser, smiling at me every morning.
The rest of my day was amazing. I spent the afternoon in rehearsal, working on a project I am super passionate about. The director asked me what I wanted out of the rehearsal room that day. I said that I wanted to trust myself. I have a tendency to rush when I’m in my head, so I asked that everyone in the room be patient with me in the moments when I needed to slow down and figure it out. She said “done.” And we did some awesome work that day. The crew somehow figured out how to get me a cookie cake when I wasn’t paying attention, and everyone sang the birthday song to me on our break.
Right after rehearsal, I met up with some friends and family at the arcade. We ate and played video games like a bunch of kids. I lost my phone, found my phone, wondered around, yelled at screens and laughed until my sides hurt. I had a glorious time.
My birthday was beautiful, in every sense of the word, and I can honestly say that this beautiful birthday simply flowed out of a beautiful year.
This past year I learned that . . .
My heart knows more than my head. I must trust my instincts.
Supporting other black female actors feels good. I should do more of it.
Telling my partner what I need instead of assuming that he should know is a win for everyone involved.
Take care of myself. This has to be a priority. When I don’t, I get a funky attitude. None of us needs that. My soul has limits. When I am tired mentally or emotionally, it’s okay to pause and refresh.
My hair and skin are beautiful.
God is real to me in a very specific way. Don’t let anyone undermine that.
I can mother my way, and it is possible to really like my kid.
Taking risks makes for a scarier life, but I enjoy the thrill!
Cooking can be fun. Thank you, meal prep services!
At this moment in time, I can say that I am truly happy. A year ago, I don’t think I could say that, not consistently anyway. I don’t even know that my external circumstances are that much different from a year ago. But I’ve worked hard on my inner life for months, and I am starting to feel the results. This new year, I look forward to more health, love and inner growth. Cheers!
About me . . .
I'm Cyrah Hill. I'm a woman of faith, an actor and an everyday black girl.